Peeling Back the Layers: Unmasking Neurodiversity

I used to mask my neurodiversity.

I would mask the fact that I processed the world differently.

First, because I was scared of what others would think, but also because I didn't know how to explain it with words.

I didn't know how to fully explain it to myself, let alone to others.

Sure, I could enumerate all the "symptoms" as depicted by the DSM (Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders), but that did not represent my lived reality.

Granted, I've always been quite the candid dyslexic, but I would still debate in my head who was trustworthy of receiving this information.

From a young age in school, it was a no-brainer to disclose. Letting the teaching staff and other classmates provide better support.

But as I grew into my adult years and started to enter the workforce, the question of disclosing my disability became more complex.

"What if they decide to fire me for my differences in processing?"

"What would my employer or coworker think of me?"

"Will they still trust my judgement?"

I lived under constant stress of being discovered for the fraud I felt like.

Then I wrote an ebook on adult Dyslexia for course credit on an independent project in university, and it hit me: screw cultural expectations!

During my research, I reviewed the scientific literature on Dyslexia that enumerated stories of other adults with Dyslexia who also suffered in silence.

Many would go to extreme lengths to hide their disability. Some would invent dietary restrictions just so they could go to the same restaurant, one where they knew the menu and thus didn't require reading on the spot.

Like the stories I encountered during my research, I too masked my Dyslexia due to the stigma associated with it.

Still, I rarely felt that same stigma for my ADHD.

But why?

I suspect the grouping effect must have contributed to the dissonance between these variations on neurodiversity.

More people were open about their ADHD, thus creating a safer environment for others to open up about lived realities.

• First, I felt it was more okay to share because others did, too.

• Second, I thought it was easier to explain because I heard others do it, too.

• Third, I felt less shame about my inattentiveness than my low literacy abilities.

It was clear that my Dyslexia was harder to unmask due to the shame and stigma that surrounded it.

And none of that was going to change until the perception switched.

I empathize with the other stories of masking dyslexic deeper than text can ever convey..

I knew something had to change.

I knew we needed more representation..

I knew that to make change happen, it had to start somewhere...

I decided then and there that the somewhere would be now, starting with me.

The Power of Authenticity in Neurodiversity

Disclosing your disability and unmasking in public isn't easy..

So why bother to even unmask and reveal?

First and foremost, unmasking allows you to look inward and find an answer that fits your reality for others to see.

You get to question societal expectations and discern which fits your lived experience and which does not.

In doing so, you can better formulate in words what it means to you and what is relevant to disclose to others.

Second, you become a source of positive representation for others to also open up about their lived experiences.

Whether that be in neurodiversity or elsewhere, knowing of one person who braves their destiny in disclosure can lead to inspiring others to overcome their own fear of unmasking.

As wild as it sounds, we must remember that we are social animals.

Consequently, humans refer to grouping effects in deciding what is acceptable to do with our social lives.

By unmasking, you help pave the path for a more inclusive world where people around you feel comfortable being themselves without shame and stigma.

Thirdly, you show others (and yourself) how hard of a problem unmasking can be, but also how liberating cracking its code can be.

Moreover, you demonstrate that it is not only possible to crack the disclosure code but that it requires us to figure it out for ourselves, by ourselves.

You and only you know how your hidden disability affects your day-to-day life. Thus, only you can figure out how to uncover all of its mysteries.

This does not mean you have to do it ALL alone..

Indeed, it simply means that it begins as an inside job.

And that by the end, the inside job is seen from the outside.

So Why Aren't You Unmasking—Facing Reality Bare-Skinned

Okay. Let's face it..

It's hella scary to let others in.

Let alone open up for all to see and let themselves in

But what is the alternative?

A life of shame and dreariness, hiding behind the essence of who we really are?

Yes. You might get judged, but really..

aren't you already getting judged right now?

If not by others when the mask slips off, and you make a "faux pas," then you feel like a fraud for hiding or not hiding.

Damn if you do, and damn if you don't.

Is that a state of being worth living in?

But that is exactly the point.. What seems the most challenging is to define the ephemeralness of our invisible disability to ourselves and then to others.

If we can't define what it means to us, how it applies to our reality, and how it makes us feel inside, then how are we expected to tell the external world about it?

Sure, we could follow the definition of the medical model (e.g., "impairment in..." or "a disorder that..."), but is that even an accurate representation of how you feel?

Really, it's a matter of perspective and adaptability.

Knowing who's asking, what they need to know, and what you'll tell them.

Disclosing? Who's Asking?

There are 4 areas and types of perspectives in disclosing your invisible disability.

These four areas form a nested Venn diagram with you as the middle, then friends and family, followed by work and school, and the general public as the outer layer.

Let's unpack them, shall we?

Yourself:

• How you explain and justify it to yourself. That can include your own personal definition but also consists of the emotional state it brings you.

• This is the nucleus. The centre of your internal tapestry.

Friends & Family:

• How you explain and justify it to people close to you. These people may not know your inner state, but they are close enough to you to deeply empathize and most understand you.

• This is the nucleus envelope that surrounds and protects (you) the nucleus.

Work & School:

• How do you explain and justify it to your professional environment? These people aren't as close to you, so they cannot make deep inferences and will need more context to empathize.

• This layer holds everything you'll need to function well within society. See it as the mitochondria, the powerhouse of the cell.

General Public:

• How you are perceived and understood in everyday life. These people don't care about your differences. They just want to go about their lives and move on with their day. There is very little space for justification or empathy at this layer.

• This layer is the outer membrane that holds everything else within it. Although far removed from the nucleus, it is essential to note that the nucleus would not hold itself in place without the membrane's boundaries.

These four layers are the cornerstone of living with an invisible disability. Each offers an extra layer between your lived experience and how it is perceived by other minds.

So what are they perceiving then?

And more importantly, what are you feeling?

The Mask Offers a Shallow Sense of Security

We live behind our social mask to blend in, feel accepted, and be part of the in-group.

But how helpful is it to blend in?

What does blending in hides that we'd rather show?

Who can support them if they don't know what's there to support them?

It's all too easy to convince yourself to not speak up.

Like why out yourself?

You tell yourself “This is fine,” as everything around and inside you in going up in flames.

No, it's not! If you stay in place, in the roaring flames, you risk burning yourself out..

Maybe you feel you don't have the time or energy to define it for yourself. But, like, you have your whole life ahead of you.

No one is saying to have all the answers today or tomorrow!

Still, sooner or later, you will need to define these truths to yourself OR risk living in the perceptual adversity that people don't understand you.

Perhaps you feel a bit of imposter syndrome setting in, especially if you haven't received an official diagnosis.

But consider, do you absolutely need a diagnosis for your hardship to be valid?

Of course not!

Granted, it may make some legalities for accommodation at work or school harder to access—remember that people at the work & school layer are further removed from you and thus can't empathize as easily, where proper documentation helps them validate your lived reality—but it does not take away from your struggles.

Pulling It Off—Relieving Pressure

By crafting your perceived identity in these areas of life, you get to gain much more than just accommodations and external support.

Remember, you don't remove the mask for others to see you, but you remove it for you to feel seen by others.

Feeling seen is different than being seen, as with the former, you gain a sense of stability and internal power.

You also begin to feel better in your skin and more comfortable in your mind.

You find new strengths in feeling secure by building a safe environment for people to support and understand your most authentic self.

Charting Your Course: Starting Point

To begin the process of self-discovery and defining the self in these areas, you can follow the following steps:

1. Define what your disability means to you — not just in a medical sense, but in a personal one too.. remember that you are more than "symptoms."

2. Determine which area of your life you feel unmasking is appropriate and most needed.

3. Refind your personal definition to fit the reality of those other life areas.

4. Be outspoken and ready to unmask with confidence when the opportunity presents itself.

Remember, unmasking is showing not only your most authentic self but also your most genuine strengths!

If you want to read more on my unmasking journey, grab my ebook What is Adult Dyslexia—A Guide for Dyslexic Adults & follow me on Threads.